Let’s be real, Valentine’s Day can be a rough time. If you’re lonely or nursing a broken heart, Valentine’s Day can be an assault on your emotions, often leading to some truly bad judgement.
We’ve all been there.
But whatever you do, don’t text that ex! You know the one I’m talking about. We all have that romantic encounter that we regret. All of us. Even the heroes of the DC Universe! Everyone makes mistakes, but the important thing is to always leave them in the past. Supergirl dated her horse, Black Canary dated her father and Aquaman’s childhood sweetheart is a dolphin. If they can get past these regrettable romantic episodes, then you could survive Valentine’s Day without texting any past flames.
What? You never knew about those relationships? That’s because I’m sure that all of the people involved would prefer we never bring those embarrassing little liaisons up. But to help remind you why some things are best left forgotten and to keep you from making any bad decisions yourself today, let’s revisit some of the DC Universe’s most regrettable hookups!
Supergirl and Comet the Super-Horse
Where it Happened: Action Comics #301
How it Happened: Yes, Supergirl once dated her horse. In fairness to our girl, Comet was technically a centaur who had been transformed into a horse. Over time, he formed a bond with Supergirl helping her fight crime as her Super-Horse. Every now and then, brushes with magic would turn him into a human, but each transformation was temporary. Still, they did give him moments where he walked on two legs and ate things other than bags of oats. So, adopting the secret identity Bill Starr, Comet would romance Supergirl during these moments…without telling her that he was secretly her horse. Did I just type that sentence?
Why it’s Wrong: The power dynamic of dating someone who was once your pet is a bit weird. (Though it happened in the most recent Doom Patrol too!) And even though Comet was a centaur and sometimes a man, we can never look past the fact that most of the time, he was a pet and unnecessary mode of transportation for the Girl of Steel. Also, can I just say that the fact that Bill Starr never told Kara his true identity felt really skeevy as well.
By the way, Comet also hooked up with Lois Lane in Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #92, which really makes me question his boundaries.
Encore Potential: A more adult take on Comet was recently seen in Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow. Fortunately, it appeared that he and Kara had grown out of their weird romantic roleplaying.
Barbara Gordon and Bruce Wayne
Where it Happened: All across the multiverse! Batman Beyond 2.0 #28, Batman: The Killing Joke animated film, Batman ‘66, The Brave and the Bold #78 and more.
How it Happened: For some inexplicable reason, Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon frequently find themselves pairing up. In fact, Batgirl’s debut in the 1966 Adam West Batman television series introduced Barbara Gordon by having her father set her up on a date with Bruce Wayne! The animated film version of Batman: The Killing Joke has the two crimefighters enjoy a passionate night on a rooftop. Batman Beyond takes place in a universe where Batgirl and Batman became a couple after Nightwing went to Blüdhaven. It’s a strange idea that keeps recurring.
Why it’s Wrong: Originally, there would have been little wrong with this coupling. When Barbara Gordon was introduced in 1967, she was written to be closer to Bruce Wayne’s age. However various continuity revamps have de-aged her. Her long romantic history with Dick Grayson also makes any hint of Bruce/Babs feel weird. Even if we ignored all that, there’s the fact that she’s Jim Gordon’s daughter, which should automatically close the door to any romantic overtures.
Encore Potential: Things are going pretty well for Barbara and Dick over in Tom Taylor and Bruno Redondo’s Nightwing. Babs is not going to screw that up for a hot mess like Bruce Wayne.
Jason Todd and Talia Al Ghul
Where it Happened: Red Hood: The Lost Days #6
How it Happened: Jason and Talia more or less had revenge sex because they were both mad at Batman. Jason had recently returned from the dead and was still a bit perturbed that Batman hadn’t killed the Joker to avenge him. Talia blamed Batman for the death of her father Ra’s al Ghul (he got better later on). Anger turned to passion…and passion turned into a night that we’d imagine both would like to pretend never happened.
Why it’s Wrong: For starters, hooking up with your adopted father’s ex-wife feels like a segment for a daytime TV talk show. Talia is also the mother of Jason’s adopted brother Damian, adding another unnecessary layer of ickiness to this. Even if we discounted all of that, hooking up for revenge is never the best idea.
Encore Potential: I think Damian would kill Jason. The former Boy Wonder has been resurrected before, but the potential confrontation with his psycho ninja brother is probably enough of an incentive to ghost any “You up?” messages from Talia.
Wonder Woman and Darkseid
Where it Happened: Justice League Infinity #4
How it Happened: This romance occurred in Justice League Infinity, a title that continues the adventures of the Justice League from the DC Animated Universe. Wonder Woman was drifting through the multiverse and she was surprised to find herself in a world where her counterpart was romantically involved with Darkseid. In that universe, Wonder Woman had shown up to Apokolips for a peace conference and it must have gone really well because Darkseid renounced his evil ways. A romance blossomed…until Darkseid’s quest for the Anti-Life Equation accidentally killed that version of Diana.
Why it’s Wrong: Close your eyes and try to picture Darkseid and Diana on a picnic together. Imagine him reading poetry to her. Does that feel natural to you? It didn’t to the DCAU version of Wonder Woman. She was repulsed by the very idea.
Encore Potential: Maybe if Darkseid started looking like Chris Pine, otherwise he doesn’t have a shot.
Black Canary and Earth-One Larry Lance
Where it Happened: The Brave and the Bold #91
How it Happened: Black Canary was heartbroken over the death of her husband Larry Lance, who had perished on Earth-Two. So, Dinah decided to seek out Larry’s Earth-One counterpart, figuring he would be the next best thing. Unfortunately, the Earth-One Larry was nothing like the man Dinah knew. He turned out to be a criminal mastermind, and it fell to Black Canary and Batman to take him down.
Why it’s Wrong: I’d like to think that snogging super-villains is a bad call for most superheroes. (Though there are exceptions!) But the problem isn’t Larry’s criminal ties. Years after this story was published, 1983’s Justice League of America #220 revealed that Black Canary was actually the daughter of Dinah Drake and Larry Lance. Canary had been brainwashed into believing she was actually her own mother and wouldn’t learn the truth about her identity for years. This meant that Larry Lance wasn’t an alternate version of her husband, he was an alternate version of her father!
Encore Potential: The revelation of Dinah’s true identity raises some uncomfortable questions about this story. Black Canary is probably relieved that Crisis on Infinite Earths wiped this whole mess out of continuity.
Aquaman and Nera the Dolphin
Where it Happened: Aquaman: Time and Tide #2 and 1997’s Aquaman Annual #3
How it Happened: There’s no easy way to explain this—Nera was Aquaman’s childhood sweetheart, who just happened to be a dolphin. She comes from a version of Aquaman’s origin story where he’s raised by dolphins, like an aquatic version of Tarzan.
Nera was one of Arthur’s childhood friends, and as they came of age, he wanted to take things a step further. Fortunately, Aquaman’s dolphin foster mother put a stop to this real quick, explaining that the union wouldn’t be appropriate. Before that moment, Arthur just assumed that he was just a very oddly-shaped dolphin. Years later, Aquaman would run into Nera again, recalling her as his “first true love” and the person who “taught him what love was.” Thankfully their affair was only an emotional one and it never got to the physical stages, because yikes.
Why it’s Wrong: Uh, because Nera is a dolphin. Do you need any other reasons? I feel like that should be enough.
Encore Potential: Look, DC can certainly be experimental at times, but not even Vertigo would have touched this one. Don’t expect any romantic reunions between Aquaman and Nera, regardless of what they may say about him on Peacemaker.
Honorable Mention: Lex Luthor and Superman’s Mom/Lois Lane and Superman’s Dad
Where it Happened: 1964’s Superman #170 (Lex Luthor and Lara)/1965’s Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #59 (Lois Lane and Jor-El)
How it Happened: Lois Lane found herself stranded in the past on Krypton and decided to make the most of it by romancing Jor-El. In a separate story, Lex Luthor went back in time to marry Lara so he would become Superman’s father. (Icky and evil both! That’s a new low for Lex!) Fortunately, both love affairs fell apart, resulting in Jor-El and Lara getting married, keeping the timeline intact.
Why it’s Wrong: Lois and Lex both had weird motivations for these affairs. Lois seemed to be making the most out of her situation, but there are tons of eligible bachelors on Krypton. She didn’t see any issues with romancing the father of her one true love? C’mon, girl! And Lex’s plan was just straight-up sinister. Did Lex really travel back in time just so he could drop “your mom” taunts to Superman? I know he’s a bad guy, but even the most vile criminals have lines they won’t cross.
Encore Potential: Jor-El and Lara perished along with Krypton, and they probably spent their final moments regretting these unfortunate dalliances.
Have these regrettable hookups taught you an important lesson? If you’re feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day, or any other day of the year, don’t open up your phone to text that toxic ex. Open up a comic book instead. A comic book is great company and even if you decide you’re not right for each other and never touch it again, it won’t mind and it certainly will never travel back in time to date your mother.
That’s just so evil!
Need even more cringe in your day? Can you believe this is actually the SECOND time we’ve done this? Click here to check out our first list of regrettable DC hookups.
Joshua Lapin-Bertone writes about TV, movies and comics for DC.com, is a regular contributor to the Couch Club and writes our monthly Batman column, “Gotham Gazette.” Follow him on Twitter at @TBUJosh.
NOTE: The views and opinions expressed in this feature are solely those of Joshua Lapin-Bertone and do not necessarily reflect those of DC Entertainment or Warner Bros.
Source: DC Comics
